I said to my soul, stay
still waiting without expectations, because having them would wait
wrongly, expects no love, love
it would be wrong thing;
there is still faith, but faith
and love and hope
consist in waiting. Wait without thought, because
are not yet ready for thought: the dark
will thus be light and the stillness the dancing
TS Eliot, Four Quartets
traveling. Traveling always change something. Will the change of scenery, have all the time to do what you want, see what is unusual or have a different perspective, meeting new people even if only light passing through the lobby of a hotel or tent next. Maybe it's just that you can relax and let all that influence and are more free. I do not know what it is, but found no person who does not like to travel.
I went to the mountains and the sea. Two immense landscapes that have an ever-present. Immensity in our thoughts and nuances of feeling. As humans we tend to translate everything that happens even in what could pass through neutral, to understand a sunset as a form of sadness just because you fear the end and agony.
was not without that behavior. View the beach reminded me of myself. I saw what humans can find on the beach. Some simply going to have a beer with friends and laugh. Others sought to be seen. I saw a man with a strange device that quietly confessed to be looking for gold and went fast when his engine made a sound like an old ringtone. One woman had a positive early morning with a bucket full of clams next. And I saw myself without looking for anything. Seeing how all this came to me as I encountered and the treasure for me was the beach and not the gold of the pirates.
Inevitably I thought Paul. As we can only understand a movie in its complexity to finish watching it, we can only understand the pain without reproach to overcome. Assimilate, understand and follow, when the tsunami happened. Then we review the movie (on the screen or that of our own lives) and we review the important details, the omens were always there or parallels, always traversed by the primary feeling is the strongest of all.
Paul, I had less expectations at all. I left my ideals and utopias. It sounds horrible and I thought it was horrible until recently. I understood that everyone, at some point, we must make it ideal for real. Because reality has a lot to not ideal. The real than ideal.
I stopped trusting people as before. He no longer believed that they were all amazing and good. On the contrary, did not expect anything from anybody. I had no expectations rather than in myself and in those he trusted and knew well. And although it was hard, served a lot. People let me show you what they were without requiring them to comply authoritatively with my illusions. Letting everything go better understood everything. So I saw that the treasure was the beach, I did not have to dig to find it or if he was angry. Because he always was. There was always something good.
back from the beach was a change too. It was to remind all that sense of peace that gives me the golden rays of the sun and not get angry because I do poorly on the skin, like people with good enchants me and hurts me so bad. When I came back I took a hand: stop dying my black. I changed the blond. But something else changed in me after I returned months to write with pen and not with the tips of my fingers in a remote keyboard which is reflected in a monitor. I went back to what I left far for reasons not understood and accepted that they were parts of me. The experience with Paul was a smooth and flat and shit, I checked an hour more than months in my life. not hid somewhere in my brain, I resented. I have it there as learning. And the rest will follow.
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