The dream reveals. Me away when I'm down and evade and sleep little and I am filled with things to do and gives me away when I'm wrong and try to accept it but I can not yet and ended up sleeping too many hours for not thinking.
When I sleep, read the news in different newspapers, I tell people the last book I read and I recommend it, cook cakes to make mates with friends, if I take a partial sack a shout greater than nine, I go out Thursday, Friday and Saturday. Nothing fills me, so I do a thousand things, not to have enough time to think it really fills me with nothing.
When I sleep, I think sleep is the closest thing to die, from position to lack of awareness of the outside world. Some time ago I do not know why or how, rational privilege for me sentimental. I suppose that was gradually increasing feelings overflowed me. That's how I lost the ability to mourn, mourn clear that with tears, because at some point may mourn the way I write it, or do all those things without feeling, making them to cover something and not because they really fill me.
When I sleep a lot, I usually have dreams that I find very symbolic. Once I dreamed I met a blond girl of four years with large brown eyes that did nothing fixed look at me, questioningly. I squatted to line our eyes is parallel the floor and she kept looking at me with glassy eyes, without speaking. The girl had a haircut Christopher Columbus did when I was young. The girl had these giant ruffles that were used in the early nineties. The girl was me. The baby made me mourn with that mouth moves and those eyes.
Another time I dreamed I was getting into the sea with my friends from secondary. We played, we were happy, it was hot and the beach was deserted. But the waves were huge and they hit us hard. The water was constantly stirred and expelled us but we kept on digging a playing, making shit when breaking wave.
I can avoid what I feel, but I can not escape the dream. And when it feels like all those tears together that I can not eject.
hate structures, work from 8 to 4, have fixed days for cleaning or for shopping. I do not serve the long-term plans, I end up leaving what I press (and doing it better on my own). I never follow a recipe exactly, I do not water the plants every day. When I diet I shat hunger and then gave me binge. No good for orderly lives. However, a dream ordered is the only way I have not overflow. The only structure in my life is to sleep eight hours.
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